Dean
Sleep is the number one best thing about life. Well, it’s at least in the top five best things, anyway. Some people don’t love sleep, saying weird things like, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” but those people are secretly probably not human and you shouldn’t be friends with them.
For the rest of us, the tired masses, sleep is the sweet release at the end of the day, or, if you’re lucky, in the middle of the day, in the form of the coveted nap. Everyone is exhausted! Parents, people with jobs, people without jobs, we’re all just somehow too tired. The world is too much (sorry, James Bond) and we just want to go to bed already.
Remember when you were a kid, people would have to force you to take a nap? Or, when you got in trouble, you’d be sent to bed early, and it would be a bad thing? Now, all I want to do is be sent to bed early.
But sometimes, sleep, cruel mistress that she is, eludes us. We want to go to sleep, but just can’t. Could it be that entire pint of ice cream we ate at 11 p.m.? Could it be that we’re still staring at that little box of glowing light right in front of us? Could it be that our brains are our enemies and just will not shut up? Maybe a mix of all three.
At least, when you can’t sleep, you know you’re not alone. There’s always Twitter.
1.
me on the Instagram explorer page looking at soap cutting videos after telling people I’m going to sleep pic.twitter.com/SBDiQuyLKT
— great (@illutima) December 4, 2018
2.
Every morning when my alarm goes off, I think “This is the worst thing that has EVER happened.”
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 10, 2013
3.
*wakes up*
Not again
— Jersey (@SatansTongue) August 14, 2015
4.
“Why am I not asleep?” he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 25, 2016
5.
DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here
[earlier that morning]
ME: *trying to get up for work*— the hippo account (@InternetHippo) September 2, 2015
6.
I wonder what it’s like to not be tired.
— erin chack (@ErinChack) July 29, 2014
7.
Nothing says “Why bother?” like not drinking, getting eight hours of sleep, and waking up exhausted anyway.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 20, 2017
8.
Half of adult life is just trying to think of excuses for why you’re so tired.
— Molly Hodgdon (@Manglewood) July 3, 2016
9.
BEDTIME ROUTINE:
– brush teeth
– set alarm
– oh god I’m on twitter
– take melatonin
– close eyes
– I’m still on twitter???
– omg after death there’s no moment where I’ll realize I died, l just won’t exist & won’t even know
– fave a tweet
– it’s been 4 hrs & sleep will never come— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) June 26, 2018
10.
Can’t sleep, tried everything: warm milk, counting sheep, hot bath, skydiving, peyote, threesome…I just like trying things.
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) April 6, 2014
