12.
She was on a break https://t.co/W3sihPUWFF
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 20, 2019
13.
I love period dramas, I have one every month
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 11, 2019
14.
"Contouring is stupid"
-guy who grew a beard to hide his lack of chin— cathy humes (@CrappyFumes) August 15, 2019
15.
shazam but for whether everyone is understanding the references in a conversation
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 16, 2019
16.
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don't want to go in the first place.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 14, 2019
17.
dont talk to me until ive cum in my coffee https://t.co/FuyKJGcGMg
— crissy (@crissymilazzo) August 15, 2019
18.
When you’re the only one who looks good in the group selfie pic.twitter.com/6fHT3AbeOR
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) August 12, 2019
19.
"So for my dish, I wanted to create that home-cooked taste, so I used the chicken I ordered for dinner last night, placed the leftover potatoes on top, mashed them both together, and then put it in the microwave for 2 minutes or until I heard explosions." – me on Top Chef
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 12, 2019
20.
Every once in a while I think of the Instacart guy who interpreted 3 pounds of mushrooms as 3 individual mushrooms and how he handed them to me so gently and I hope he is doing well and is happy. I feel such tenderness for him.
— roxane gay (@rgay) August 11, 2019
21.
patient: i have a cough
dr house: first of all, fuck you…. your shoes… look a little loose. your hair, is ugly. chase check this man’s butthole for worms
dr chase: unbelievable… only the second ever case of butthole worms. how did y-
house: [playing air guitar on his cane]— Beth McColl (@imteddybless) August 16, 2019
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