Pleated-Jeans
11.
Why is so hard to bump into a hot guy, drop all my stuff, accidentally trade phones, find out that he is a pop star, try to get his phone back to him, become a pop star in the process, finally give him back his phone and fall in love in this city?
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) November 20, 2019
12.
Sorry I replied the very second you texted. I have no life and shame
— chudail (@scarletbitch007) November 15, 2019
13.
I realized that a small percentage of my Twitter followers think I’m George Harrison’s ex wife, Pattie Boyd & to them I say:
Ya I’m her! I luv eatun my own pussy 😛 I been stretchun for years & can finally get down ther’ ! I also can’t stop eatun dry wall 😔therapy don’t help😔— Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) November 19, 2019
14.
Me: I rode horses as a kid but I’m not one of those crazy horse girls or anything
Also me: pic.twitter.com/SEG62CoOud
— Kimberly 🍂Fall Bitch🍁 Dinaro (@KimberDin) November 18, 2019
15.
good morning to everyone but especially my dog who got herself stuck in a folding chair and instead of barking for help just waddled around with it on her back like some kind of hermit crab
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 18, 2019
16.
Yeah I guess I don’t love that the cool ass music I used to listen to in high school is now in medication commercials.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) November 21, 2019
17.
gonna tell my kids this is Mount Rushmore. pic.twitter.com/G7SEWklnzn
— ✨Nakia Danielle✨ (@UrLeadingLady) November 20, 2019
18.
When guys turn 30 they have to pick a subclass:
– podcaster/streamer
– beer guy
– guy who bikes to work
– golfer— SWAGAMEMNON 🎮 (@swagamemnon22) November 19, 2019
19.
Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) November 19, 2019
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