Pleated-Jeans
11.
Me, drawing little x’s and o’s on a football field, indicating where I think players should hug and kiss
— winter jerk (@rajandelman) December 17, 2019
12.
A lot of people don’t know about politics cause history teachers be football coaches.
— cut it out (@lonthecelebrity) December 19, 2019
13.
hostess: how many people for your table?
me: like a trade?
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) December 17, 2019
14.
It turns out one of the most upsetting texts to get is just your first name followed by no punctuation or context
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 15, 2019
15.
the two kinds of protein bar:
super-snicker sized and called SHOTGUN KETO KILLA 300G OF KICK ASS TO FUEL YOUR RAGE
or
offwhite helvetica sleeve labeled “prot+”
both taste like peanut butter and toothpaste
— lauren (@LLW902) December 14, 2019
16.
I have a phone interview today and someone told me to “just be myself” so I’m not going to answer the call
— Caitlin (@caithuls) December 18, 2019
17.
every holiday gift guide for men:
-whiskey stones
-record player
-grill accessories
-random book about sports
-bright patterned socks
-beard oil
-cooler with a built-in Bluetooth speaker
-a tool that fits on your keychain
-something made of wood— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) December 16, 2019
18.
Omg I’m Having a hard time decorating my new cribwhich one y’all think? pic.twitter.com/9tN5PpfYyB
— The (@tiffany_lenice) December 17, 2019
19.
This is fcking embarrassing but ive been sick so everyday on my lunch i go to subway for soup and they have it ready at the register at 2pm & today when i cut the sub line to pay some bitch gave me a look and the cashier was like “oh shes a regular” a reGULAR…at SUBWAY. new low
— kendra (@kendraaaleighh) December 18, 2019
20.
it’s the bitches who box dye their hair black that have been through the most
— ✰ samflower ✰ (@milkygoddess) December 17, 2019
More funny tweets, memes, and pictures:
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- 99 Of The Funniest Memes You Probably Haven’t Seen In 2019, But Should
- 59 Funny Tweets That Got Over 100K Retweets In 2019
- A Lot Of Things Didn’t Happen This Week, But These Things Didn’t Happen The Most (27 Pics)