Jason Mustian
Is there a Twitter Hall of Fame? If not there should be. And these tweets, which I’ve pulled from the past 5 or 6 years, definitely belong in it.
Enjoy!
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https://twitter.com/stluis_htx/status/1153105125831061504
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Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
— LEGO Joseph Smith (@Mormonger) March 18, 2018
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https://twitter.com/Doughbvy/status/993936205132718080
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So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said "I have a boyfriend" ok lettuce head
— • (@Bentono10) September 14, 2016
7.
there’s 2 sides to every story 😔 pic.twitter.com/Lx9K1bloCw
— liv 🧋 (@visitkingdoms) April 13, 2019
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https://twitter.com/jeffftweets/status/1001589012698722304
9.
Movie theater: Please silence your phones.
Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*
— call me by your tennis potential (@urpastaboi) May 22, 2018
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men be like, “the last thing i ever want to do is hurt u………………but its still on my list”
— marsha (@planetmarzzzz) January 19, 2020
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me sprinkling “but that’s just me” after giving someone advice so they can’t say i ruined their life pic.twitter.com/Tpe3wwfTkR
— HEAD of the man haters club 🌸 (@XippXapp) January 22, 2020
12.
Someone: wtf it smells like oranges
*me behind them* pic.twitter.com/dqcWHWNeak— hentaiho (@aliljokeyjoke) January 8, 2020
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https://twitter.com/igboadjacent/status/1217000951510372352
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https://twitter.com/Yassir_Lester/status/1074427818736373760
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"Do you have any bird houses I could have sex with?"
"Sir, we only have bird houses you can have sex with." pic.twitter.com/oV5uku0rMt
— kevinbiegel (@kbiegel) December 20, 2016
