Jason Mustian
Is there a Twitter Hall of Fame? If not there should be. And these tweets, which I’ve pulled from the past 5 or 6 years, definitely belong in it.
Enjoy!
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“I couldn’t breathe when I slept so I installed a camera” pic.twitter.com/DDhP0OweoW
— Space Cadet (@stluis_htx) July 22, 2019
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Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
— LEGO Joseph Smith (@Mormonger) March 18, 2018
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*on Ellen*
ELLEN: so i hear u tweet about wanting to die
ME: haha yeah, i do
*Death comes out, creeps up behind me*
ME: omg ellen you didnt— scarfo (@Doughbvy) May 8, 2018
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So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said "I have a boyfriend" ok lettuce head
— Benton’ (@Bentono10) September 14, 2016
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there’s 2 sides to every story 😔 pic.twitter.com/Lx9K1bloCw
— liv 🧋 (@visitkingdoms) April 13, 2019
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Im so mad that I took this picture of reed and this is what he took of me pic.twitter.com/7zx7TIt8bn
— Jeff (@jeffftweets) May 29, 2018
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Movie theater: Please silence your phones.
Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*
— Gayer, Angstier Aaron (@abgates7) May 22, 2018
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men be like, “the last thing i ever want to do is hurt u………………but its still on my list”
— marsha (@m1ntyfr3shh) January 19, 2020
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me sprinkling “but that’s just me” after giving someone advice so they can’t say i ruined their life pic.twitter.com/Tpe3wwfTkR
— HEAD of the man haters club 🌸 (@XippXapp) January 22, 2020
12.
Someone: wtf it smells like oranges
*me behind them* pic.twitter.com/dqcWHWNeak— hentaiho (@aliljokeyjoke) January 8, 2020
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guys be havin 25 roommates and want u to come over im staying home brockhampton
— follow igbopresenting damn (@igboadjacent) January 14, 2020
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Your stripper name is your mother’s first name and your mother’s last name
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) December 16, 2018
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"Do you have any bird houses I could have sex with?"
"Sir, we only have bird houses you can have sex with." pic.twitter.com/oV5uku0rMt
— kevinbiegel (@kbiegel) December 20, 2016
