Confessions

People Are Sharing The Regrettable Things Horniness “Made Them Do”

21.

Back in like 2010-2011 I worked at a bar and one of the bartenders was a pretty eccentric and horny dude and we worked with a lot of female bartenders. We’d often times kid around and some of them were pretty close, innuendos and playful comments pretty often. Anyways I don’t remember the context of this one male bartender telling me this story, but somehow we got into the conversation one very slow night when the first time we each masturbated and his story was hilarious. He basically said that when he was about 9 years old he got into the habit of f—king his refrigerator door to the point where it was difficult for him to not feel aroused whenever he opened it for years.

I remember laughing and asking him “how the hell do you f—k a fridge?” and his explanation was that the cold air during the summer just felt all tingly and he was perma horny at that age, so he would close the door on his d*ck and thrust. Weird as hell but it was hysterical to hear that story at the time, especially because English wasn’t his first language, and his accent made the delivery of it even funnier —Snaffle27

22.

I once had sex with a total stranger in a Chicago alley after hearing her she was going to go inside to masturbate because she was so horny. —jeff_the_nurse

23.

Jack off while waiting for AAA to swap a flat tire since I didn’t have a jack for my truck. He called… I missed the call so he was mad. About 10 minutes after that call I called him back and he was nearby and begrudgingly came to change the tire. —Dudeinva757

24.

Stuck my peen in a beer bottle. Got stuck and got freaked out. Smashed the bottle on the table only to get 6 pieces of glass stuck in my peen. Went to a hospital and had surgery. Almost needed to castrate me. —NoReasons1443

25.

I tried to shove a soap bar up my *ss. —Mikestion

26.

So I was in pretty great shape in high school (15-16ish, can’t remember) and I was very flexible. Not having been in a relationship and not wanting to just jerk it again, I figure why not get a BJ? Since I have no volunteers this sad night, I just say “fine, I’ll do it myself.”

So my twin sized bed has a head frame on it with some horizontal metal bars and I assume the position to begin the self-suck. Basically, I strip down, lay on my back, and move my legs up by my head and in between the metal bars to hold the position. I have something to watch and I begin to succ (it feels like sucking more than it feels like being sucked). After some intense focus, I finish. Not thinking this through, I decide I need to catch it to keep myself from making a mess. The first spurt goes in my mouth forcing me to gag, hit my head on the frame, and I shut my mouth (and accidentally swallow the first part). The rest of it just facializes me and lands around my eyes blinding me. So now I wipe my face off with a blanket and clean off in shame.

2/10 do not recommend. —mrmrspears

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Aimeé Lutkin