It’s easy to understand why a publishing company might think that a book of essays from 26-year-old Cazzie David would be a slam dunk. She’s the daughter of wildly popular comedian Larry David. She also used to date Pete Davidson, right before he dumped her and started dating Ariana Grande. This connection to an extremely publicized romance with a much more famous person would likely attract readers, and she has a lot of influencer friends to help promote her book.
Honestly, it might have worked if they’d just picked a better essay to promote the material with. On Tuesday, an essay from her book No One Asked For This was published on the popular blog The Cut. It was called “Too Full to F***” and mainly focused on how David couldn’t fit a penis inside her when she ate too much. It didn’t go over well:
if I was an extremely rich comedy heiress, I would simply buy a strap-on, or put a dick in dudes sometimes. but what do I know!
— Joan Fuck The Police Summers (@joangossips) November 17, 2020
For straight couples, there is one key difference between sex for the male and for the female: a woman gets a penis inserted into her while a man gets to insert his penis into someone else. That’s all nice and good. Sex is pleasurable for both genders. But from what I’ve discovered, only one gender has to save room in her body if a penis is to go into it — meaning that sometimes, if you’ve eaten a hearty meal, there isn’t enough room for a penis.
And then it continues. There might be people out there who find this scintillating, but for a lot of Twitter users (some of whom are struggling writers), the essay brought up a lot of resentment about how young, rich people are constantly getting catapulted to success milestones they don’t deserve—like publishing a book.
the excerpt itself is deeply, deeply unfunny however i’m cracking up that the hot new comedy heiress hit the scene with “too much pizza fills up my vag” ?? https://t.co/0HPuPCyw5y
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 17, 2020
The industry will glom on to any celeb kid who likes to write or act or direct. Meanwhile, anyone who hopes to break into said industry must work toxic jobs, pay back student loans, and deal with rejection as they watch celeb kid after celeb kid get ahead.
— Scarlett McCarthy (@literallybrokee) November 11, 2020
Cazzie David's new book really demonstrates that the essay collection has overtaken the autobiography as the personal branding method of choice for bored rich girls.
— Hannah Williams (@hkatewilliams) November 11, 2020
Me trying to staff on Cazzie David's HBO series next year, "Yeah, I was actually doing a parody of the kind of guy who would criticize your work. I think this is the kind of show we need right now, and I would be happy to delete those tweet if the context isn't coming through."
— Brenden Gallagher (@brendengallager) November 17, 2020
i will respect cazzie david if she allows "larry has to pretend his daughter's writing is good" to be a curb plotline
— kathbarbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) November 18, 2020
I have read like six paragraphs of the cazzie david essay and I cannot read another but man having rich well-connected parents seems like the most incredible drug in the world
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) November 17, 2020
cazzie david i’m so sorry that getting industry jobs bc of your famous dad gives you anxiety, that sucks so hard. have you tried giving me $1,000? i think it would help <3
— Moorahd (@smellybogwitch) November 11, 2020
cazzie david asking her dad for a job then getting shocked when people at work don’t respect her… um pic.twitter.com/ETr7pTzVOs
— lil miss mochachino (@biIletsdoux) November 12, 2020
And there were a lot of complaints about how dated this very young woman’s perspective is on gender, sexuality, body image, and heterosexual relationships:
reading this in full as someone who has struggled with eating disorders and body image issues — i am triggered and also bored! how is this possible
— arielle (@reallygordon) November 17, 2020
Honestly so brave: FINALLY one of us women is speaking up about how much we love to eat (mostly ice cream and pizza) then can’t have sex, which we like, due to feeling Fat. All women are like this. We are afraid to say anything because it’s controversial https://t.co/JrnCVyKRea
— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) November 18, 2020
The anatomical confusion is worse than that: pic.twitter.com/dydnHk6lAr
— Gordon Cook (@_scornful_one) November 17, 2020
That was my feeling. This was very much something I would have written as a college sophomore and thought was genius. In 2007.
— Michelle I’m Sorry, Then What’s Your Problem? (@MichellesTush) November 17, 2020
i really relate to cazzie david in the sense that i am perpetually scared that any man i date will leave me for a baby voiced sexy munchkin of a woman
— талья (@hotmonarchist) November 11, 2020
It’s probably hard to be Cazzie David and see yourself get roasted so mercilessly online, but based on some of her writing, she might be shielded from a lot.