This one is hard.
And not just because infertility is hard enough on a relationship as it is, but casually introducing what could be seen as infidelity? Well, yikes.
Now, when it comes to infertility, it’s a common option to choose surrogacy, and not uncommon for a family member or close friend to serve as the surrogate.
But of course, it’s also common for these surrogates to be inseminated clinically, not “the old fashioned” way, which leads us to our post.
One Redditor’s husband wants to go the “traditional route” AKA sex, — with his wife’s sister.
U/throwrasister9977 begins her bizarre post:
“My husband and I have been struggling with infertility , We’ve tried some options and right now we’re looking into Surrogacy. My sister agreed to do it, but my husband said he looked at how much time and money IVF would take and slowly started hinting that we take the traditional way,” the OP writes.
“I was too shocked to even say anything but he acted like what he said was not even that big of a deal. He explained that it’s just a quick way for us to have a baby and spare the money and time to use later. I’m 100 percent against it, that is way I’m backing down and am no longer comfortable with this whole surrogacy route…I can’t even imagine my sister’s reaction once she hears my husband’s suggestion.”
“I’m both devastated over the fact that 1, he’d even entertain having sex with my sister just because he wants the easy way and 2, if I ever agree despite feeling uncomfortable then I will always carry this memory of how the baby is conceived. I refused and shut his suggestion down hard. He’s now started guilting me saying I don’t trust him then saying I’m selfish for choosing to back out when he still wants to be a dad like he expected when he married me. Basically blaming me for my infertility issues.”
“I feel so devastated and like my body is useless and has failed me to the point where I could expect any negative comment on it wether true on not. emotionally and mentally…I just can’t express how I feel right now. By the way my sister is 4 years younger than me. I’m 34 years old and my husband is 37.”
Firstly, infertility is nobody’s fault. Secondly, this whole “solution” is bonkers. Red flags everywhere. Here’s what the survey says…
“Yeah, if it really is a money issue can he not just like…cum in a cup or something and then she just stuffs it in money-hungry groupie style. It’s nasty I know but its better than straight up f*cking your wife’s sister,” said
“Even IF he is legit in only wanting this so they can conceive, he is still showing absolutely no regard for her in the marriage. Using infertility as a guilt trip is not just a red flag, it’s a marriage death rattle,” noted
“Also, who’s to say it’s just you. Maybe he’s shooting blanks. Let’s say you agree. What if he doesn’t get her pregnant in one go. That means he’d have to sleep with her multiple times. He sounds like a piece of sh*t,” said
“This is not a surrogacy situation. This would be your sisters and your husbands baby and your sister would be under no legal obligation to let you adopt her child after the birth. This is absolutely outlandish. This is not someone you should be married to, let alone be having kids with” said
“Surrogacy should be your eggs in someone else’s body. It should be handled by a family attorney and contract. Anything else is a legal nightmare. In this scenario, your sister could legally refuse to give the child up and you’d have no real legal leg to stand on as it would be her biological child. All this to say is that honestly, your husband doesn’t come off as focused on fatherhood, but instead focused on something else entirely,” said
“But Honey!! It’s not like I WANT to have sex with your sister… ITS FOR THE BABY. GOSH!”
Lawyer here (not OPs), and legally that would be the case as well. Without an official surrogacy contract the sister can claim the baby as her own and husband can be on the hook for child support. OP will have a hard time proving legal rights to the child. This is a terrible idea all around.