Sometimes people are truly, unforgivably horrible on r/AmItheA**hole, and you can tell who is wrong and who is right from the jump. But today what we have is a very challenging etiquette question from u/throwrawedphotos, in which she explains how she wants to do something kind of crappy to someone who did something kinda crappy to her.
The bride says she got married last fall, but with a budget photographer who has been taking a while to get the images back. In the interim, a lot has happened. The bride says a few days after the wedding, her friend told her she was engaged.
The bride was super happy for her bud, but as they talked, the bride realized she’d already gotten this info—her friend got engaged AT her wedding, but she was too blitzed to remember.
I wasn’t thrilled about it, realizing then that she had basically not only gotten engaged at my wedding, but instead of hiding it and announcing it later, she announced it to our friends during the party. It was a though pill to swallow but I figured, whatever, it’s not like I even realized what was happening.
We did have a discussion about it and she didn’t seem to understand why I was upset until I put it into perspective for her, asking her how she would feel if I made a big anoucement at her wedding, taking the attention away from her big moment. In my friends’ mind, it’s no longer the day I got married, it’s now also the day she got engaged. On my dime. We eventually turned the page and I thought it was over.
Anyway, when the pics were ready, the bride was contacted by the photographer who said she needed to know what to do with the extra pics. That her friend took:
During the evening, the wedding party took a break to go change, and during that time my photographer was taking pictures of foliage and the venue. My friend apparently asked her to take pictures of her and her boyfriend. She didn’t really see a problem since we weren’t back yet and they were guests. That’s until she realized they were engagement pictures. Some poses just don’t leave place to interpretation.
So, when she asked me what to do, that, you know, accidents happen, I told her to just put them in a seperate folder. Ever since, I’ve been thinking what am I gonna do with that folder. My friend has been asking about my wedding pictures periodically but havent asked about her pictures specifically. It was easy when I didn’t have them but now I do. I’ve had them since April and I know she will eventually come out of hiding now that covid restrictions are loosened. I want to delete the folder since they are my property anyway. But I don’t want to be a major AH either. Before you say it, I do realize I haven’t forgiven her at all like I initially thought.
Okay, ordinarily someone announcing their engagement at your wedding is a huge no-no and it is understandable that she is pissed. On the other hand, she didn’t even remember it happening, so it couldn’t have been a huge distraction in reality. It’s very rude that her friend did it, but the upset seems to be about the principal of the thing not any actual harm from the night.
Plus, those engagement photos are not replaceable. Just the same, most people seem to think that the Bride would be within her rights to delete the pics, or at the very least, demand the friend pay for the engagement photos:
It does seem fair that the photographer should be compensated for doing extra work, and if the Bride is going to demand money, it should go to that photographer and not in her own pocket.
But I would probably go in this direction, giving the pics to my friend and then ending the connection permanently:
My logic is that if you’re about to do something so petty to a friend because you’re pissed at them, you don’t really want to be their friend anymore. You just want to do something that will only cause more bad feelings between you. That’s not how I want to live, personally.
There is, of course, the option of sitting down and having another serious talk about how to resolve things and making up, but I think the situation may have gotten too far if there are secret folders involved.
More Bride AITA Reddit stories:
- “I Did Lose My Cool”—Bride’s Fiancé Asks To Pay Tribute To Deceased Girlfriend At Wedding
- Bride Asks If She’s Wrong To Tell Blind Friend She Can’t Bring Service Dog To Her Wedding
- Bride Dragged After Asking How To Un-Invite Pregnant Bridesmaid From Wedding Party
- “Tone Deaf” Bride Lit Up For Posing With Apparent Sign Reading “Brides Lives Matter”
- Bride-To-Be Gets Lit Up For Worrying Dad’s Wheelchair Will Ruin Her Wedding