With so many “I got dumped via Zoom” stories circulating the web, you have to wonder: What the hell are these people getting dumped over? Since humans began populating this earth, we’ve been engaging in love affairs and relationships of all sorts—only to let one another down and break each other’s hearts. It’s sad. It sucks. But also: We’re super curious and nosy and we want to know why you got kicked to the curb. Schadenfreude much?
One Reddit user, NuclearWinterGames, gets it. They’re just as nosy as we are—so they asked everyone to confess the most ridiculous reasons they’ve been dumped.
Get ready to feel seen, heard, offended, and heart-broken on behalf of someone else (dumped for going to a rival school? Or because someone wanted to be more like an apostle from the Bible? Yep). But mostly, be prepared to be truly confused by human behavior.
“I bought my GF one of the World of Warcraft expansion packs for her birthday. She started playing again — like she really got into it — and I hardly saw her. She’d play all night and would come to bed as I was getting up. To be clear, that made me want to dump her. But, what ended up happening was she started playing with her ex and it apparently rekindled their feelings for each other, because she dumped me after a couple of weeks of this shit and got back with him. But, by that time he had moved away, so their relationship was entirely limited to playing questing or some shit. And, then they broke up again after like a month of this. At the time it was horrible, but now I can’t help but laugh. TL;DR ex dumped me for a Mage.”—villemairejones
“My ex’s cat was named “Ben”. The girl I was dating’s cat was named “Bundles”. One day, I called “Bundles”, “Ben”. She asked me what I just called her cat. I thought about it and then remembered that was my ex’s cat’s name. I laughed and told her and she was super unimpressed. Broke up with me the next day.”—iamkokonutz
“We have to break up. I mean, we can’t even get married… you’re allergic to fish!” She chose the occasional tuna sandwich over me. I laughed and still tell the story so I guess it’s a win!”—buegs
“I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have to break up; if it’s really meant to be, then we will end up together again like they do in the movies.”—hotidit
“I got dumped because the headlights on my car didn’t come on automatically when I started my car. I’m assuming he had other reasons, but this is what I was told. And I love laughing at it!”—lintrules
“Shared this before here, but this has and will always take the cake for me. College GF’s Dad won 1 million dollars in the state lottery over winter break. Broke up with me over the phone, telling me “now that I’m rich, I can’t afford to date regular people like you. That’s really the only thing wrong, you’re just regular.”—raider34
“The guy I was dating broke up with me cause he had family problems, I was all like, “i’m so sorry. I’m here if you need me.” Two days later I find out he lied and asked out one of my best friends and she said yes. About a week later I asked him why he dumped me and he left me on read.”—JadeDragonTait
“Made a girl smile too much. She had braces and it cut up the inside of her mouth.”—codeend
“I don’t feel a spark of anything when we kiss anymore” At that time I got hit in the mouth with a bat and couldn’t kiss her for the past month. If you didn’t want to be with me just say it or at least come up with a better lie to dump me over.”—jonboah
“We went to rival colleges and I had graduated from the “bad” one. Yep.”—itissunnyinhere