Aimeé
11.
There’s this lady in dispatch who won close to $12,000 at a casino and then lost it again later that night. Walked out of SkyCity with seventy f—king dollars. Her husband nearly left her over it. —OmarGuard
12.
I had this sweetheart 50-something coworker lady casually mention to me that she had been shot in the head. Turns out she was a badass biker chick in the 70’s and her methhead boyfriend got drunk and shot her in the head one night.
She kinda got teared up and said I was the first person she had told in like 30 years. Her biker name was roadrunner, and now she collects little knick knacks in her cubicle and talks about her grandchildren all the time. —mgros483
13.
I found out that a coworker—an older lady, as in like 70—made most of her living writing extremely graphic erotic fiction under a pseudonym. It was amazing. —CorkyKribler
14.
One Man in his early twenties said he liked drinking milk from women not for any sexual thing, but because it had magical healing powers and would stop him from ever getting sick again. He even found a woman only 20 minutes away that liked the idea.
Now I am not going to judge the guy if he said it was a kink. Everyone has kinks. The thing that was weird to me was he seemed to believe milk was magical and would keep him in perfect health all the time. —Windain
15.
A few of my coworkers and I were joking around with one of our other coworkers (who just came back from maternity-leave) about how often she’d pump at work — she nonchalantly said that the milk she was pumping was mostly for her husband to drink. Yeah…we never brought up that topic ever again. Edit: To clarify, she pumps at least five times a day…almost always when the office starts getting busy, and every time, she proclaims “I’m going to go pump!” before she walks out the door — hence the lighthearted teasing. —will18057
16.
Man showed me a patent he had obtained for a sexual toy. I was impressed. —Ceilibeag
17.
That my straight-laced, clean cut, bespectacled, quiet and courteous coworker used to be hard into heroin, ran in a gang, and had a few assault charges. You would seriously never know. Gave off no vibes or had any mannerisms and had a polite face and cadence. He always wore a pressed long-sleeve dress shirt and a sharp tie. He never rolled up his sleeves even if it was hot and everyone else did.
The reason I found out about this is one day I actually caught a glimpse of his arms which had two full tattoo sleeves. Taken aback, I asked him about them, and he told me the story. He was so curt about it, I didn’t believe he was making it up.
I asked my other coworkers who had been there longer, and they said he apparently met his wife and turned his life completely around. —UptownShenanigans
18.
This guy told me he was standing with his back to the stove with the burners on for warmth. Then his shirt caught on fire and he got a burn. Then the next day he said he was sleeping on some cardboard and the pus broke and the cardboard was stuck to his back. It was the way he told me though, like it was completely normal sh—t.
“Hey dude, so I was leaning against my stove with the burners on, its nice and warm ya know? Then I caught my shirt on fire and got a big burn on my back. So I laid some cardboard down to sleep on, nice and comfy ya know? When I woke up the pus broke and I was stuck to the cardboard, cool right?”
I don’t judge the guy it just kinda threw me through a loop. I hope he keeps enjoying his strange life and regales me with more of this bizzaro world stories.
edit: ok pus not puss goddamnit. i guess i meant blister anyway but he mentioned pus several times. also when he said the thing about the cardboard it was more like “so you know I have my cardboard to sleep on, as people do you know”. i hope he isnt a redditor, im not trying to call him out or anything, to each his own and sh—t it was just some weird story. our job doesn’t pay that bad and its got benefits, myself i have a nice ass apartment and a bunch of hobbies, i dont know what the hell this guy is doing with his money or freetime. his story left me slightly disgusted, slightly perplexed, and oddly wanting to know more. he just came up and told me this out of the blue too, i know what its like to live alone, some crazy sh—t happened and he just had to tell someone i guess.—vaganaldistard
19.
There was a really tiny, adorable old man named Dina that would clean the floors and keep everything in order. He was the sweetest thing and was so nice to everyone. Basically the friendliest guy I’ve ever met.
He had this weird rivalry/hatred for an equally tiny, equally old asian lady named Cha Cha. No one was sure why but they couldn’t stand each other. They would fight constantly and erupt into random screaming matches during the day.
Many months later I saw the two of them shopping at Costco… holding hands. Turns out they were married and tried to put on a huge show so no one would find out. I’m not sure why- we didn’t have any rules about coworker relationships.
Cha Cha gave me a handmade coupon for a free back massage in exchange for my silence. —-Nigel_Thornberry-
