Patricia Grisafi
A lot of people complain about their engagement ring—which can be seen as incredibly bad behavior. But what if instead of complaining about the size of the stone, or the shape, or the metal used, someone complained because the engagement ring was already used? And not in a meaningful, “family heirloom” way?
One Redditor recently got engaged and is wondering if she is being too much of a pain over the ring—which is the same one worn by her fiancé’s ex-fiancé and then returned to him when the engagement ended.
“My now fiancé was engaged a couple years before we got together, and they broke up and she gave the ring back,” the OP writes. “We’ve been together a few years and a few days ago, he proposed and I was super excited.”
Congrats!
“The ring looked kinda familiar and when I asked him where it was from, he said it was the ring he gave to ex fiancé. I immediately took it off and was like, ‘I don’t want a ring you bought for someone else, it wasn’t meant for me.'”
Oh.
“He got upset and said it didn’t matter, because it’s not hers anymore it’s mine. My family and friends are split in saying I’m the asshole and I’m justified. I don’t want him to spend a whole other thousand dollars on a ring for me, but I want a ring that was meant for me, not for someone else.”
What does Reddit think? Is a ring just a ring? Or is this guy totally clueless?
“This is ridiculous, how dare he give you her ring. It’s HER ring, he meant it for HER, bought it for HER. How does he think to give you her rejects is ok? You are completely justified. And I would rethink this guy if I were you,” said amicia_derune.
“My husband had proposed to another girl before we ever met. When we talked about getting married, he knew I wouldn’t accept that ring at all so we picked out our rings together. But he did ask me if I wanted that ring just as a regular piece of jewelry and I was like hell no, that’s bad juju and I want nothing to do with it,” said Cayvin.
“The only way this would be acceptable is if the ring were a family heirloom that was passed down to him. In that case, it’d have meaning independent of his ex- fiancée. OP already said that this isn’t the case, so he’s clearly the AH here,” noted lefrench75.
“I’d take the cheapest ring ever that was meant for me over the most lux, expensive ring that was meant for someone else. sell the old ring and whatever it’s sold for can be the cost of the new one,” advised bmobitch.
“NTA, and this is coming from someone who thinks engagement rings are a stupid waste of money. I’m sure he could sell the ring and get a new one that would be special to you. I don’t think he’s being TA either though, he’s just not seeing it the same way you do. Selling the old ring would be a good compromise,” said ManiaSky.
“It really depends on how people think about rings. For some, it’s just a ring something material that ultimately means nothing it’s a piece of jewelry that people wear to let other people know they are committed, nothing more. It doesn’t matter if the ring was $200 or $2000 where it comes from or who has worn it in the past, what matters is what it symbolizes not the ring itself. For others, a ring is a very special item it represents the ultimate commitment of living your life with another person forever. It is a very important piece of the relationship and a one in a life time expense that should be taken seriously,” explained jmo_joker.
What do you think the OP should do?
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