There are a lot of ways to ruin someone’s wedding, but calling the bride a “gold digger” is one of the worst. On Reddit’s AITA forum, one woman is asking for help because her husband did just that to her sister.
The OP’s sister married a wealthy man—which inspired jealousy and anger in the OP’s husband. On their wedding, he threw a fit and accused his sister-in-law of being a gold-digger. The fall-out included the OP staying with her parents instead of going home with her husband and the OP’s sister refusing to talk to her. What should the OP do about her relationship with her sister and her husband’s cringe-worthy behavior?
“My F26 sister F24 got engaged to her husband M36 a few months ago. He’s from out of town and he’s well off (rich) he has several properties and drives a dodge. He’s very generous and respectful. He treats the family with so much respect,” says the OP.
“One thing I noticed was my husband constantly making comments about him and how he ended up with our family since he’s well off (I took this as an offense) and brought up the age gap between my sister and her fiancè in front of my parents. And asked my parents if they were okay with it. I got mad at him for behaving like this and resenting my brother in law for no reason.”
The OP says when they got their wedding invitation, her husband threw a fit because his family was not invited and being treated like “second class citizens” and that the OP’s parents were “already playing favorites.”
“We fixed this issue, and it was a misunderstanding. My husband’s parents ended up apologizing for not being able to attend but sister in law came. At the wedding. My husband was sitting with some family members making comments about the groom’s suit and his ‘bad’ taste and how he could’ve done better. I told him to knock it off as the others gave us looks.”
Then, the OP’s husband started making comments about the cars the groom’s family came with. The OP told him to stop it, and then said, “he was sorry he was the only one not ignoring the fact that my sister was marrying him for his money.”
“I was stunned I knew people heard that because everyone was quiet after this. A few seconds of awkwardness and my dad invited everyone to have dinner. My sister came to us. And started berating my husband saying what he said was awful and inappropriate and that her in-laws heard his awful comment. And ended up telling him to leave. He argued with her and wanted me to leave with him but I refused and said I wanted to stay with my parents after the awful things he said. I was so mad I told him to leave before I start yelling at him.”
The OP went to stay with her parents for two days, and her husband got upset that she refused to go home with him. He also asked if the OP could tell the family he was sorry, but the OP is ignoring him—and the OP’s sister is mad at them both.
Sounds like the OP’s husband is jealous and insecure, but is his fit at the wedding unforgivable?
“I think you should apologise to your sister for not shutting it down sooner – but ultimately you are not responsible for your husband. He’s an adult and should act like one. He is obviously jealous of your new brother-in-law, and is comparing himself to the new edition and finding himself coming up as lacking. He needs to get over it. I would also make the observation that people tend to accuse others of what they themselves would do – so if he’s accusing your sister of being a gold digger – I would take a good hard look at your own financial arrangements. This isn’t a one-and-done issue that’s gong to go away now that the wedding has passed. If he can’t get over this quickly it’s going to continue to cause friction and you will be forced to choose between him and your family. Based on the evidence presented so far I know which I’d choose,” said Fraerie.
“Normally I roll my eyes when people say their wedding was ruined because it’s usually over something dumb like the cake being vanilla instead of vanilla bean…but really your husband ruined her wedding and embarrassed the f*** out of himself, and as an extension, embarrassed you,” said breatheawayfromme.
“You’re NTA but your husband definitely is. It sounds as if he’s jealous that he’s not the only son in law being doted on. He needs to check his ego, reevaluate his behavior and then man up and SINCERELY apologize. you should not have to apologize on his behalf for his gross behavior. Your sister is understandably upset and it will probably take some space and time for her to grasp the situation, but she shouldn’t be upset with you. His comments were horrible especially in front of his in laws and that is something she is going to have to deal with. Stick with your family until your husband can genuinely apologize to not only you and your sister, but your family and her new in laws as well,” advised PrincessPenelopesMom.
“What the hell is he doing? This man’s self esteem is so low he tries to raise it by putting others down. His attitude is terrible and I’d actually go as far as to reconsider if you actually want to stay married with this man. He’s petty and he’s acting like a child,” said TortillasaurusRex.
“I’m going to go against the grain and say ESH. Your husband for obvious reasons. He’s an absolute dick and the reason you are with him makes no sense to me. And you. You are TA because you took him to this wedding after all the comments he had made so far. Knowing that he feels this way. Knowing you cannot stop him from acting this way or saying these things. Yeah, you are TA too. I understand why your sister isn’t talking to you right now. I wouldn’t be,” said natejd87.
“I’d be very careful about accepting any apologies. This was not a case of your husband getting super drunk and saying these horrible things for the first time (though even drinking would not be an excuse here). Instead, he’s got a long history of being extremely rude, inappropriate, hostile, irrational, and embarrassingly terrible. He is showing you his true character and it’s not good at all. He’s got no control over himself emotionally and says cruel and insulting things to you about yourself and your family. He is jealous and extremely disrespectful. He also seems to not understand how an adult would deal with a situation like this. He’s like an overgrown child. None of these traits are what you look for in a life partner. Be honest with yourself about what this situation is really telling you. Your relationships with your sister and her new husband are extremely damaged because of your husband. Your relationships with your parents and friends are also damaged because of his behavior. He’s isolating you and ruining your support system. He’s not really sorry, he’s just angry that you’re not supporting his totally unacceptable behavior,” explained ghostforest.
What would you do in this situation?
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