Ruin My Week
Every week we dig deep into the annals (hehe, I said “annals”) of Twitter to bring you the best 15 funny Tweets making the rounds.
Here’s what made us laugh this week.
DISCLAIMER: Some or all of these funny tweets may have been curated while we were drunk, so feel free to let us know which suck in the comments.
DOUBLE DISCLAIMER: Please don’t say mean things in the comments. We’re fragile. And, as mentioned, probably drunk.
1.
I just found my old diary from when I was 9 and by god I was an idiot pic.twitter.com/OIhq8PZ8Uf
— tnorbs (@almundnude) June 11, 2019
2.
Him: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he's my biological dog.— Goats? (@Gooooats) June 19, 2019
3.
[carefully puts turds in pocket] pic.twitter.com/MsZHrDnOmf
— The dumb ignorabt shit head (@NotUrplePingo) June 18, 2019
4.
https://twitter.com/thorrbruce/status/1140869327513456641
5.
https://twitter.com/altjuanswift/status/1140892588607725569
6.
me: do you have a favorite book
her: 1984
me: that’s too many
— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) June 19, 2019
7.
"I can't, too busy":
– no one believes you
– tired
– allows for future invitations"I can't. Not since the accident"
– mysterious
– fresh
– prevents future invitations— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) June 15, 2019
8.
Me explaining to ⠀ ⠀ ⠀My cat
my cat that I ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀pretending
won’t tell anyone ⠀⠀ ⠀he cant speak
if he can speak pic.twitter.com/X7PHTuEXZ9— 𝖕𝖆𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖔 (@PabloPiqasso) June 17, 2019
9.
Your body is a temple? Hell no
Your body is filled with blood, brains, eyeballs and a skeleton.
Your body is a haunted house bro
— Shayne Topp (@supershayne) June 3, 2019
10.
I just found my old diary from when I was 9 and by god I was an idiot pic.twitter.com/OIhq8PZ8Uf
— tnorbs (@almundnude) June 11, 2019
11.
protip: the best way to remember something is to keep it in an open tab forever
— Yuri Victor 🖤 (@yurivictor) June 17, 2019
12.
my toddler whenever I'm trying to have a conversation with my wife pic.twitter.com/9PcAJlqf2V
— shrill kingdom come (@theshrillest) June 18, 2019
13.
Wowww just had to unfollow OJ. He’s funny on twitter but give him a google and you will NOT like him anymore
— Caleb Synan (@calebsynan) June 17, 2019
14.
My divorced parents had this text exchange on Father’s Day and I’m horrified pic.twitter.com/aH0W0N65tu
— Graham (@GrahamHill24) June 19, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/mikefossey/status/1134212673212690432
