How was your week? Horrible? Okay, great, we’re all caught up. Everyone’s week was pretty bad, but at least we are in it together. That said, it is nice to dwell a little bit on people who have maybe had it worse, just to take our minds off things for a sec. There are people out there embarrassing themselves and acting like tools, so taking a moment to enjoy that seems like the self-care this awful week calls for. Pour yourself something delicious and enjoy the five people who are most likely having a worse week than you.
1. Britney Spears (or Usain Bolt?)
Britney is having a pretty wild week. First of all, it really seemed like she was calling for a worker’s revolution on Instagram, which is surprising. Really rich people don’t usually call for the redistribution of wealth, but she went for it in this post:
View this post on Instagram
Yes! We stan a socialist queen!
But then things took a weird turn when Spears screenshot her running time (in a post that has since been deleted) saying she ran 100m in 5.97 seconds. That would mean she broke the record of famous runner Usain Bolt, who currently holds it for a 100m dash at 9.58 seconds.
“Ran my first 5 !!!! Getting over your fear of pushing it in the beginning is key …. once I did that I hit 5 !!!!!” she said.
So, who is doing worse? Britney Spears, for being confused about the concept of time? Or for Usain Bolt, who has lost his crown to our queen? The jury is out, but people seem inclined to believe Ms. Spears:
believe women https://t.co/rnPe9RzF4n
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) March 26, 2020
2. Another Toilet Licker
A few weeks ago, everyone was losing their minds over the antics of TikTok star Ava Louise, who posted a video on social media of licking an airplane toilet. She called it the #CoronavirusChallenge, and after her story got a lot of (mostly negative) attention, she referred to it as a PR stunt on Twitter:
We love a successful PR stunt
— Ava Louise (ig @avalouiise) (@realavalouiise) March 16, 2020
Until recently, it did just seem like a stupid joke one person made. Despite what they say about teens, most of them are not willing nor eager to lick a public toilet bowl. But I guess there’s no depth of depravity too deep for these influencers. A young man named Lars, who is big on Instagram, decided to actually partake in this “challenge” and posted a video of himself sucking bowl:
WTF!! Really!! Licking toilets now!! pic.twitter.com/C2iaRHxHHa
— Gabe Slaybaugh (@GabrielSlaybau1) March 23, 2020
And now he’s posting that he’s got COVID-19. Challenge complete!
A kid who licked toilets as part of the #CoronaVirusChallenge says he’s now in the hospital with coronavirus. @gayshawnmendes was also just suspended from twitter pic.twitter.com/lfG2NBlTrs
— Pardes Seleh (@PardesSeleh) March 23, 2020
It’s possible that Lars got the rona from any number of contaminated surfaces and not that specific toilet. Something about this stunt makes me think he doesn’t wash his hands much. But let’s hope this outcome has taught a few of his followers a lesson: not all hashtags are games. We wish Lars a speedy recovery from COVID-19 and stupidity.
3. The Face Mask Bikini Influencer
Yulia Ushakova is an Instagram influencer who usually just shows off her hot bod to please her followers, but she made herself an enemy of the people by showing it off in entirely the wrong way. She fashioned a bikini out of medical supplies that doctors have desperately been begging for, making it clear that she pretty much only reads the headlines.
View this post on Instagram
The caption reads: “I ordered a new trend of the swimming season 2020. The built-in valves make it easier to breathe, but the set needs to be changed every two hours! I don’t know if this challenge is already on Instagram, but I like the idea!”
It might be just a joke to Ushakova, but the comments on Instagram make it clear that no one seems to find this funny:
Influencers: you’re not cut out for comedy.
4. Kim Kardashian
Way back in the time before, Kim Kardashian released a video in which it seemed as though Taylor Swift approved a Kanye West lyric that Swift later claimed to be offended by. Swift was deemed a snake. He mentions were full of snake emojis. She was “canceled.” Again. And now, during the midst of a pandemic, someone has released yet another tape, supposedly the full version of Swift and West’s conversation regarding his song “Famous.”
Whew. The long version of that leaked Kanye West video is something else. 😬
It tells the whole tale.
It shows that @taylorswift13 didn’t deserve all the crap that came from that situation.
Not cool at all.
— yvette nicole brown (@YNB) March 21, 2020
The tape seems to validate Swift’s claims that she never approved being called a bitch and was not psyched about West claiming he made her famous. History has vindicated her. But has Kim dropped it? Absolutely not.
Kim tweeted that Swift is lying again, and complained that it was inappropriate given the current state of the world:
.@taylorswift13 has chosen to reignite an old exchange – that at this point in time feels very self-serving given the suffering millions of real victims are facing right now.
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) March 24, 2020
You know, she’s not wrong. though it doesn’t seem like Swift is really saying all that much about it:
SELF- SERVING?? Taylor literally DIRECTED the attention of this fued towards A DONATION towards @WHO and @FeedingAmerica on her story to help those that are in need. And what are you doing?? Watching Tiger King on Netflix?? pic.twitter.com/PM26t1k8jj
— siang he (@SiangHeKhong) March 24, 2020
And this is a good point:
Both of you should pay the rents of everybody in Ohio or something.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) March 24, 2020
You’re all snakes. Pay up or shut up, ladies.
5. M.I.A.
We already all know that there is a significant and disturbing number of people who don’t believe in vaccines. What we didn’t all know is that rapper M.I.A. is one of them. This week she revealed her tinfoil hat beliefs on Twitter, claiming she’d rather get sick and die than be inserted with a chip. Guess she thinks she’s pretty interesting:
If I have to choose the vaccine or chip I’m gonna choose death – YALA
— M.I.A (@MIAuniverse) March 25, 2020
Have a healthy life. Don’t live in fear!
— M.I.A (@MIAuniverse) March 25, 2020
Don’t panic you are ok. You are not gonna die. You can make it without stressing the medical systems. Just breathe. You are going to be ok. You can make it through without jumping in the frying pan. You are fine. All the vaccines you ve already had is enough to see you through.
— M.I.A (@MIAuniverse) March 25, 2020
The claim that the vaccines we have will see us through COVID-19 are obviously completely untrue, almost like M.I.A. is a pop star and not a scientist. She was dunked on quite hard no Twitter and everywhere as people expressed their profound disappointment over the way she’s using her platform:
This tweet has disappointed me more than your last 2 albums
— Marco Lancio (@Lanciofava) March 25, 2020
MIA anti vax because 2020 stays trash. pic.twitter.com/Apk9vTTFiT
— ✍🏼 roxana | ✊🏼 zivar | ⚒️ hadadi (@roxana_hadadi) March 26, 2020
Antivaxxers always choose death. Nothing new here
— Per Gustafsson (@pgustafssoncom) March 25, 2020
I have bad news: the government doesn’t need to chip you. That phone you’re tweeting from is already telling them everything they need.
More of the best of this week:
- “Protect Tim At All Costs”—Cowboy Museum Puts Security Guard In Charge Of Twitter, Turns Out His Tweets Are Adorable
- People Are Sharing The “Most Meaningful” Objects In Their Homes (26 Pics)
- Wishing A Happy “Corn Teen” To Every Idiot Struggling With Spelling During Lockdown (20 Pics)
- Tiger King Memes & Tweets That Are As Funny As The Show Is Insane (31 Memes)
- Online Classes Are Going, Uh, Well (27 Posts)