Confessions

Couples Are Sharing The Weirdest Things They Do When They’re Alone Together

11.

While we’re in the shower he’ll cover his body with soap, wrap his arms around me, and then go up and down really fast so he’s rubbing the soap all over me and cleaning me off. We call this “Carl wash” cause its like a car wash for me, but my nick name is Carl n he’s washing me off hehe —omfgchella

12.

We touch our butts together every night before bed and do a little wiggle. It’s part of our routine now and must be done for optimal sleeping. —ermasnek

13.

We have a mating dance that has gotten increasingly elaborate in the decade we have been together. Example moves: slapping one’s own butt, moving one’s arms like a choo choo train, one handed clapping.

Some of the moves go out of fashion year to year, but we have a significant repertoire. —jpwp99

14.

Sometimes he puts his mouth over my nose and blows, causing me to make a horrific, monstrous sound of air coming through my nasals and out of my mouth. We call this The Exorcism.

It’s gross and weird but I love that we can be gross and weird together. —lululemonkush

15.

We have the WYK rule. If one of us says, “would you kindly blah blah blah” the other one must, no matter what, do that thing. There is zero negotiation. It’s mostly whipped out for benign stuff, sometimes for very silly stuff, but occasionally used in serious situations. It’s equal parts silly, fake outage, and a deep, committed trust. It only works because we trust each other not to abuse WYK or use it for evil. —This_Isnt_Progress

16.

Alright this will take some explaining but me and my husband have a game we call business business. I can’t fully remember how it came about but the goal is to fully and completely clasp the other persons right hand in yours and shake it twice while repeating “business business”. If the other person can get their hand free or shout “business business” at the same time it’s a failed attempt. We don’t keep score but the last person who got in a successful handshake is the winner until they are dethroned. So what started as a little inside joke has spiraled into a full competition with such notable wins as… at my uncles funeral. While reaching for an offered water bottle (we live in the desert) And in the middle of any and all arguments. It’s gotten so bad that anytime either of us try to hold hands we both have a momentary standoff to make sure it’s not a ploy. —pandabunny20

17.

My gf and I will every so often just lift our top up and say “tits” until the other one looks/acknowledges. —hoocoo

18.

Sometimes when I answer the phone I become Detective Tony Pepperoni, and he’s Cheesy Steve and the Saucy Boys. There’s never really any warning, it just kinda happens and it gets pretty intense. —MiaKatRio

19.

We’ve been married for 32 years. We’re both professionals in careers with kids no longer at home. Yet for our entire marriage whenever one of us travels we do something special for the one traveling. My wife’s method is to sneak into my luggage and leave little love notes and comments and requests for a hot call on colored cards. I’m talking I’ll pull on a dress shirt and discover a little card in the pocket that says, “call me at 11:00 my time hot stuff”. The people at my work where I travel to the same location now laugh when I reach into a coat pocket, pull one out and read it. Or they see the collection in the pocket of my back pack. I travel 8-12 times a year so this is some work.

My approach is a little different. I write one very romantic or passionate letter or story or poem. Or I sketch something I found beautiful and add a small note. She has saved them over the years so not only one per time she travels but Mother’s Day or birthday, or sometimes random desire to let her know I love her. It’s now a small book.

Also, we always end the day in a call together. Even if I’m in Mumbai and one of us has to stay up until 1:00am or get up at 4:am, we always tell each other we love them and good night.

She still tells me the most romantic thing ever was one time I typed two pages of reasons why I loved her then cut them up into tiny pink strips (numbered of course) and then went through all of her personal stuff and hide them in places only she would find them. Like one inside a pocket in every jacket. One inside her thick and thin gloves. One per drawer in her dresser. One in her makeup kit suitcase. And so on. It took her more than seven months to find them all. She said it made her day to find one four months on, just stumble across it. I did get this from the author of a book called 101 Passionate Nights. So I can’t take credit for the idea. But it was a total surprise to her. Those two pages of taped together comments are also in her book of love notes.

Yes, she tells me I’m more romantic and mushy than she is. —designerutah

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Aimeé Lutkin