Me [opening laptop]: What’s our computer password?
Wife: It’s our anniversary date.
Wife: You have no idea, do you?
Me [closing laptop]: Yes of course I just don’t want to use the computer anymore.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 6, 2020
My husband: We were way over on groceries last month.
Me: How did THAT happen?
Him: Well we spent like $100 on ice cream sandwiches…
Him: …babe, that’s bad.
Me: I HATE THIS PLACE IT SUCKS HERE
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 6, 2020
My husband is out in the garage looking for something of his that I threw away weeks ago.
Do I just run away now & start my new life?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 2, 2020
My wife puts groceries on the conveyor belt like there may be an award for most organized.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 30, 2020