This Sports Commentator Has Nothing To Do So He’s Reporting On Regular Life

There are a lot of people out of work now. Some were directly fired and some lost their ability to do their jobs because it involved something that got canceled. Sports commentator Nick Heath is one of the latter.

Heath is one of the guys who sit up in the booth describing the action for TV and radio, mainly rugby. The coronavirus pandemic has made it impossible for people to gather and watch sports, let alone run around on a field slamming into each other. So Heath has started commenting on everyday life, with excellent results.

Heath has been posting clips of people or animals or whatever doing their thing and overlaying his voice describing their actions, sounding exactly like the classic commentator he is. It’s pretty hilarious to hear Heath’s coverage of two dogs he says are named Vanilla and Chocolate running in loops on the green.

“There’s been some lovely footwork and there it is again from Vanilla,” he exclaims, voice rising in excitement. When the dogs break apart, Chocolate goes to sniff a tree and Heath murmurs, “Quick widdle after that one I should think. Lovely.”

Despite recommendations from health authorities, people are still gathering in parks to hang out and play games, which is bad for the world, but good for Heath’s project. Here he narrates the Keepy Uppy Finals, in which one young woman is unable to redeem her terrible record at the sport:

In this clip, we join Heath live at the Drag and Load of Tat down the road game, in which the athlete astounds and impresses Heath with his clean maneuvers and holding back a pen trick:

Here’s…a football. (Soccer, for Americans.)

And the “Crossroad Dash”:

The “Mundane Walk” (“Colin, he’s broken free, bless you.”)

The “pushchair (stroller) formation formal”:

Market bartering (“The order we’ve come to know and love”):

Middle-class arena at the Waitrose (grocery store equivalent to a Sprouts or a high-end Trader Joe’s).

One of my personal favorites, the “Find A Brunette A Seat With The Bonde Girls” Qualifier:

Second only to “Find A Bargain Steeplechase.” (“Oh, it’s got a whacking great big logo in the middle of it—will he make do? Will he decide to go with it? Yes, it looks like he will. He will! He will! And regret it later.”)

And finally, the Interminable Wait challenge, in which people show their fortitude for standing still and waiting, which Heath says is a warm-up for the airport. Except no one has a ticket to go anywhere from the airport because “it’s the end of days.”

If you enjoy Heath’s incredible commentary, do consider buying him a coffee at the link below:

While I’ve never in my life considered watching a televised rugby game, whenever the sports are back on, I will tune in just for Heath. If he can make ordinary life seem this entertaining who knows what he can do in his true element. 

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