The subreddit r/AskReddit can be a place to find wacky stories about things like divorce or random fun facts, but occasionally people won’t ask for true stories. They just want a hypothetical, sort of like a thought exercise, like this one presented by Redditor u/ManEEEFaces, who asked, “If you drink a 12 pack of beer every day for a month, and keep your job, you get a million dollars. What’s your strategy?”
Interesting. The most obvious answer is alcoholism. Lots of people already do this all the time! In fact, most of the top comments are from people who either currently drink that much on a daily basis and those who have had to quit drinking entirely because they recognized it was a problem that they once drank a 12-pack every afternoon. The very top comment from S3simulation reads, “I drank a 12 pack a day for almost 2 years, the key is to have a drinking problem.”
It doesn’t seem like the OP intended for this to be a conversation about alcoholism. They added in a later comment, “The question came up at a party one night and we were discussing our strategies. I didn’t expect such a wide array of answers. Some are fascinating, some are sad. I guess that’s the nature of the beast. My answer was 3 before work, 3 over lunch, and 6 at night, but I wouldn’t stand a chance. I weigh 155 lbs and I’d have such a strong buzz that I’d get nothing done at work. No way I’m keeping my job for a month.”
A few other people took the OP’s perspective, trying to answer without alcohol abuse coming into it, treating it like a puzzle. There were some good answers. See if you can scroll through and identify the “right” one.
Use four weeks of vacation and head to Mexico. Drink no other beer but Tecate Light. Come back home. Collect $1 million. —ThisIsDadLife
My father was a psychiatrist and worked on drug and alcohol wards. The typical American beer has a alcohol level that is designed to give a buzz but not get you drunk. A twelve pack fits perfectly in this business model.
He treated many functioning alcoholics who drank a case of beer a day. A twelve pack was the most common amount drunk. —Limp_Distribution
Drink after work. I’m a reasonably-sized guy with a passable tolerance, I’ll just start as soon as my day ends. Mornings gonna suuuuck but I can live with it for a month for a flat mil. —vault13rev
Definitely need to split it up and hide some of the drinking. Down a couple when you get up (before you brush your teeth of course). Sneak one over lunch, maybe another around 3 as well. 8 is much more manageable in terms of not ending up rough the next morning. —thetasigma_1355
Easily the best way is to have a part time job but if you work full time here is a fool proof strategy.
1.wake up one beer get ready for the day
2. 2 beers at lunch time (food slows the absorption of alcohol into the liver)
3. Get home and start cranking as many as you can before dinner at 6 or 7.
4. Hopefully only have 3 left for after dinner which means you’ll be done before 9 with ample time to do prepare yourself so you are not hungover the next day —Modern_Militia
Use all my vacation and have a blast
Break my leg, get disability leave, create a new Skyrim character
Drink O’doule’s —CasuallyCompetitive
Make it non alcoholic beer et voila —74CK
Open 9 beer and let them flatten in the fridge during work (To prevent being all bloated and gassy). Moment I get off start drinking. Eat dinner while drinking. Follow every 3 beer with water, walk to the grocery store, drunk groceries should naturally grab me alot of carbs which will be good. Also help me walk off alot of calories. Chug a quarter gallon of water before bed (Pee breaks constantly). Go to bed early! alarm set early, sugar and Tylenol ready to go in the morning try to work out before work to burn more calories, lots of veg and lean protein for lunch —i_fuckin_luv_it_mate
06:10: Okay, actually awake this time.
06:15: Drink my first beer alongside my coffee.
06:17: That’s certainly an interesting aftertaste…
06:30: One beer isn’t enough to inebriate me, so I make my way to my office.
07:00: Drink my second beer as I begin doing my research for the day.
08:00: Drink my third beer while I write the morning’s scripts.
09:00: Drink my fourth beer just before the cameras start rolling.
10:00: Holy shit, I really need to pee.
10:05: Drink my fifth beer while the footage is being transferred to the computer.
10:15: Begin editing.
11:00: Drink my sixth beer as I edit the day’s videos.
12:30: Drink my seventh beer as I attempt to digest the dodgy burrito that I ate.
12:35: That interesting aftertaste is back. I don’t think I like it.
13:00: Drink my eighth beer as I finish with the editing and exporting process.
13:30: Publish the videos.
13:45: Begin editing the afternoon’s articles.
14:00: Drink my ninth beer as I silently scream at the writing team that “everyday” and “every day” are not the same thing, damn it! The former is an adjective that means “mundane!” The latter is the two-word phrase which means “each day” or “daily!” You passed third grade! You should know this!
15:00: I should stop delaying bathroom trips. It probably isn’t good for my bladder.
15:05: Drink my tenth beer.
16:00: Focus on finishing work for the day.
17:05: Self-administered sobriety test (which may or may not include a “peeing for accuracy” element).
17:10: Make my way home.
17:50: Celebrate my safe arrival at home by drinking my eleventh beer.
18:30: Drink my twelfth (and final) beer of the day while in the shower.
19:00: Spend some time putting fake “Caffeine-Free Diet Coca-Cola” labels on tomorrow’s cans of beer.
All told, I don’t think it would really be that difficult. The only thing I’d really need to worry about would be an intervention staged by my coworkers.
After all, nobody sane would drink caffeine-free Diet Coca-Cola by choice. —RamsesThePigeon
Step 1; Tell my boss if I can drink a 12 pack of beer every day for a month I get a million dollars, so I’m going to be taking some time off. I have just enough vacation to make it a month.
Step 2, buy some really low alcohol beer – like sam adams marathon.
step 3. Get up every day at 8am, check my work email, handle whatever shit is getting away so I can log a few hours. Drink a beer every hour from 10am to 10pm while eating lots of food drinking water and walking a lot to stay in some semblance of shape. Sleep from 10pm to 8am – and repeat.
Once I’m done, buy a house with a gym, cause I will probably have gained an ungodly amount of weight doing this. —freecain
Tel my boss to let me drink 12 beers a day while at work for a month and I will split the $200,000 with her. —AndrewLBailey
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