“She’s Stopped Wearing Bras”—Guy Asks If He’s Wrong To Dislike Girlfriend’s Quarantine “Style Changes”

There are a lot of different ways people are coping with the current crisis. It’s caused upheaval in every part of how we structure our day, from how we work to how we parent to how we socialize. People are giving themselves quarantine makeovers and haircuts and moving towards all-pajamas-all-the-time fashion ensembles. When outside, wearing a face mask makes you feel anonymous. It’s a strange time for self-expression.

One Reddit poster recently wrote that he was annoyed his girlfriend has started dressing “weird” since quarantine began and was concerned that his annoyance made him an a**hole. 

“My girlfriend always dressed comfortably and practically until recently; she works at a professional job, and she would usually wear jeans, sneakers, T shirts or sweaters, etc. About a month ago, she had her friend shave both sides of her head, but leave hair on the top and back of her head,” the OP writes.

“I wasn’t a huge fan of it but she said she wanted it for a while, but she was too afraid of being embarrassed if it turned out badly. But now that everyone is working from home, nobody can go out, she took the chance and she loves it. Then she bleached her brown hair to blonde. Then in a week she dyed it florescent green.” 

Aside from changing her hairstyle, the OP also said that she has changed her fashion as well. She’s begun wearing crop tops, “really loud patterned pants,” platform sneakers, and “generally flashy and eccentric stuff.” When the OP asks her why she changed her style, she says that this has always been more her style but now “she’s just more comfortable getting into it when there’s less social pressure.” 

OH! And she’s stopped wearing bras, too. Join the club! But the OP says she “gets stares” and that’s “awkward.” 

The OP asked her what she’s going to do when she returns to the work environment, and “she said she’d dress appropriately but obviously couldn’t change her hair. But she didn’t think that would be a problem, she’d been practically indispensable during the difficult time the company was having recently, and she couldn’t see there being any trouble over hair.” 

The OP does not love the new look and has told their partner so. They’ve even fought about it. 

“I asked her a couple times to just wear normal things when we hang out together, and she got really upset with me over it, saying that she was just trying to have some fun and try something different and it was really rude of me to tell her how to dress.” 

Redditors had some advice and thoughts on the OP’s attitude and their partner’s new fashion style. They noted that fashion is personal as well as a coping mechanism, something we have control over in an increasingly unstable world. 

“It’s a tough time for everyone and changing things up is a way of coping. Less social pressure can allow her to be more free while being stuck in the house. If you can’t see beyond superficial things like hair and clothes that’s your problem, not hers,” said reflexiveblue.

“I understand that it’s not what you like, but asking her to wear ‘normal’ things was not good. Your normal? Hers? She is changing her look and you don’t like it. That’s fine – but it’s HER look, and she’s allowed to change it. If it bothers you that much, end the relationship – trying to force someone into a mold that you deem acceptable is controlling and not OK. You could have approached this a lot better than you did – have an actual conversation instead of basically telling her that her current clothes are abnormal,” noted Jbn42.

Other folks could understand not liking a partner’s new style but also said there should be room to experiment. 

“Honestly, I don’t blame you for being against it. You got together with her and she is currently going through a period of her life when she’s experimenting. Not all of it is gonna look perfect.

But in the end there’s not much you can do. It comes down to whether or not you are willing to stay with her even if she isn’t looking or dressing the way you want. It sounds like you’re TA for wanting her to dress a certain way, but I get where you’re coming from. You would be TA if you forced her, but as things stand you gotta really talk it through and either come to understand the changes or leave,” said  brooomcloset.

“Tough one but I’m going to say NAH, girlfriends done a total 180 on their look and it’s not something you find attractive and it seems pretty extreme but it’s her expressing her style. I can see why people are saying Y T A because it’s her style and makes her happy, but I get where you’re coming from as it’s such a sudden change and not one you like. Honestly tho you just got to let her be her and let her shine to her full brightness, you can’t be the person that dims her or makes her feel less herself otherwise you’ll never work. Hopefully you’ll get use to it or it might be an adjustment phase and she reverts somewhere back to the middle when life gets back to normal, who knows. For now tho you’re just going to have to be honest that you’re not a fan but keep your opinion to yourself unless asked, maybe try and find a few positives in her new look. Good luck,” advised niamhk13.

What do you think? Too much change or just chill out and embrace the experiment?

More life during lockdown:

Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.