It sucks to feel unappreciated in a relationship. It sucks even more to try and make life easier for your partner, only to have them joke about you being their hired help. A situation like that speaks volumes about respect—at least that’s what Redditors are saying regarding one recent post on the Am I The Assh*le forum.
The OP of the story allowed their girlfriend to oversleep on purpose because they were angry she had called them “a little bitch”—which sounds really shitty until you hear the rest of the story. Then it’s only a tiny bit shitty.
“My girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning. I usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets. She has joked that I’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so I didn’t mind, obviously I want to love my partner and try make her life easy,” writes the OP.
I’m sure lots of people can relate to needing help waking up in the morning—but maybe less feel the need to call their significant other a butler. Unfortunately, that’s not the only way she refers to her partner.
“However last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought I couldn’t hear. She was bragging that I’m her little bitch and I do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. It really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing. She specifically said ‘yeah I’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure I’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too.'”
Yeesh. Talk about being ungrateful.
“I went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning I didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. She usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but I let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and I turned around and went back to sleep too. When she woke up she was yelling at me saying I’m an asshole and I’ve cost her her exam and I’m a piece of shit for what I did.”
While the OP hinted that they might break up with this ungrateful partner, most Redditors assured him that they were not an asshole and that there were some pretty serious things in the relationship that needed to be addressed.
“My husband does the exact same thing for me sometimes re:alarms, and I tell him thank you and that I really appreciate it. At the same time, I get a lunch and coffee ready for him in the mornings b/c I know he’ll end up skipping/working through lunch if I don’t. He thanks me for that, and I know he appreciates it. ETA: we do things for each other not because they’re required, but because we love and respect each other, and it makes us happy to do them. Relationships are all about mutual respect and mutual give/take,” said Ceilani.
“Dude, the way she talked about you is horrible. Forget about petty revenge and leave, you deserve better,” Frost_Goldfish advised.
“The best ‘revenge’ when dealing with this sort of person would probably be to drop her like a bad habit, and then show her that she has no more power over you, by simply refusing to engage in any additional drama. Additionally, you can really only lose by engaging further with her – either she will try to hurt you as much as possible on her way out (you lose by getting your confidence and self worth damaged) or she will gaslight you into thinking that you’re too sensitive (you lose by ending up staying in a toxic relationship),” explained LilR3dditRidingHood.
However, some folks rightly noted that the OP shouldn’t have given in to petty revenge but better communicated their hurt feelings to the girlfriend—and then hit the road.
“Now it’s time to just break up with her. If you keep being passive aggressive and doing things like this, you’ll quickly become an asshole too. Better to leave this toxic environment,” said Throwout4789.
“ESH. Her exponentially more than you, but you did a shitty thing. I’d dump her. You know, what you could have done is woken her up just in time for the exam and broken up with her right then. Still would a been a rude move but less destructive for her and maybe more satisfying than the passively aggressive move to just let her sleep,” observed claroquesearight.
“She definitely sucks for taking advantage of someone like that and then talking that way. But this whole “she deserved it” is a sad way to look at the world. Quality people don’t play shitty games. Knowingly letting someone that was counting on you to help get her up sleep through their alarm is shitty. Doesn’t matter if she deserved it. OP was hurt, so he hurt her back. ESH. Act like a mature, quality human next time. Wake her up. Call her on her shit. Tell her what she did is shitty. Let her know it hurts. Give her the peace sign and move on with your life sans the girl,” said solofatty09.