For a lot of people, International Men’s Day is kind of a joke. For people who have been oppressed or abused by men, it can be hard to conjure up much enthusiasm for them getting an extra special day of attention.
Licensed therapist Yassmin Eldouh decided to go against the general vibe and post a long serious thread about the “things that men uniquely struggle with.”
Her compassionate points grapple with issues like suicide, the need for therapy, and the socialization that often leave men feeling like they don’t have access to support or care.
MUCH less likely to seek therapy, due to shame and being perceived as weak
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
There a lot of the expectations she said men suffer from that aren’t as directly related to mental healthcare, but which take their toll on that kind of health overall. For example, associating financial success with manliness and the pressure to perform and provide. And the fact that men are much less likely to report abuse or sexual assault.
Much more likely to be ignored or even laughed at when they are victims of abuse, domestic violence, or sexual assault
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
Many of the things she lists—substance abuse, anger management, shame—connect back to the inability to discuss emotions or be perceived as weak. This leads to even more serious problems.
More likely to develop substance abuse issues
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
A huge and almost impossible standard for masculinity and strength, leaving most men feeling intense shame when they feel that they don’t measure up
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
Homophobia and stigma around intimacy and closeness results in a lot of men who don’t have an adequate support system due to inability to emotionally connect with others, especially other men or their fathers
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
She also calls out more specifically how there is intersectionality amongst men who fit into marginalized groups, like the high rate of incarceration for Black men and violence against gay and trans men.
Black men specifically: MUCH more likely to get incarcerated or killed by law enforcement, or be the victim of interpersonal violence
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
Gay men and trans men are more likely to be severely bullied, ostracized by their family and friends, suffer from assault, and commit suicide
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
She then touches on how specific disorders are misdiagnosed in men or seen at much higher rates than in women because of work or war:
Eating disorders and body image issues in men in general are very much ignored
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
Mandatory military service = men more likely to suffer ptsd, get killed in line of duty, become disabled, etc.
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
Men are also much more likely to get killed or severely injured in their jobs due to the majority of physically demanding jobs being done by men
— yassmin / ياسمين (@philyptian) November 19, 2020
Many of the effects that Eldouh is describing can be attributed to patriarchy, a system built by and supported by men. They’re also stuck inside it. Everyone deserves mental health support, healthcare, and compassion when they’re struggling and men need to hear that the problems they have are not something they need to go through alone. Because they’re not alone at all.