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AITA

Bride Wants To Know If She Can Ban Her Rude Sis From The Ceremony Over Her White Dress Stunt

As an only child, I have no idea what having a sibling is like. I don’t understand sibling relationships at all, but from what I hear, they can be amazing or terrible depending on the day. So, imagine your sibling situation is more of the “terrible all of the time” variety, and it’s time to start planning your wedding.

On Reddit, one bride-t0-be with what sounds like a crappy sister finally had enough and kicked her out of the wedding party. Did she go too far? 

“So my sister (30 F) and I (33 F) have always had a contentious relationship, and I’ve never understood why. She has always been condescending and rude to me. She also still lives with my mom and is very close with her. Last year, I got engaged to my fiancé (36 M). Everyone was congratulatory except for my sister. Her response was ‘wow you’re really trying to beat me down the aisle huh.’ She wasn’t dating anyone at the time, and still isn’t, so I didn’t understand her response. After much pleading from my mom, I asked her to be a bridesmaid,” the OP writes. 

The OP says they postponed the wedding due to the coronavirus pandemic but they are hoping to move forward with it next year. The OP went wedding dress shopping with her mother, who insisted her sister also come along. 

“Every dress I tried on, my mother sat straight faced and gave no input. When I found THE dress, she just shrugged. My sister had wandered off, and I didn’t care to ask where she was. My sales consultant could see how sad I was over my moms lack of enthusiasm for the dress so she brought me back into the fitting room to put a veil on me. By the time I came out of the fitting room, my mom and my sister were gone. Two seconds later, my sister came out of a nearby fitting room in a bridal gown, and my mom was gushing over her. I started crying and left empty handed.” 

“I finally flipped out and my mother and sister responded by telling me I was over reacting and being selfish and self centered. I said my sister didn’t need to be trying on wedding gowns, as she wasn’t getting married any time soon, and I felt it was really inappropriate to play dress up. My sister said she was trying to find something to wear as a bridesmaid, as she refused to wear the ‘hideous’ black dresses I had picked. After this, I decided to remove my sister from the wedding party.” 

The OP concludes by saying that ever since that day, her sister has been threatening to show up at the wedding wearing a white dress. The OP now does not want her sister at the wedding at all, to which her mother said that if my sister isn’t at the wedding, she won’t be either. 

What does Reddit think about this one-sided sibling rivalry? 

“Tell them both they’re uninvited and will be barred from entering your wedding. Don’t let them ruin your big day,” said yerawizardamberr.

“They’re both so far out of line. Neither of them deserve to attend. The mom won’t even feign impartiality between the sisters. On the day her older daughter is trying to find her wedding dress. The gall of both of them. I bet OP’s mom just wanted the sister in the bridal party to take pictures of her. Also OP is the older one, what the hell is the sister on about beating her to the aisle? Bizarre af. Either way, I can see why no one’s dating her with that nasty attitude. Their presence won’t add any joy to the occasion,” advised conditionalinterest. 

“NTA but you need a friend with a red solo cup full of red wine who happens to be clumsy. It’ll be worth it if your sister decides to attend your wedding in a wedding dress,” said LisaW481. 

“NTA at all and honestly I don’t think your mother should be there either, she’s obviously got a favourite child and I cannot fathom why she wouldn’t at least feign enthusiasm for your dream dress. They both sound awful and I wouldn’t want either of them there. If I were you I would simply not tell them the date/location if you haven’t already. They sound like their participation will do nothing but drag you down on what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life,” noted jazberry715386428.

“I don’t feel like you’re being much of a bridezilla here…. your sister instead is being a bridesmaidzilla. Refuses to wear the same dress as the others? No. Just no. If she does show up in a white dress, everyone who knows you and her will see through that as pure bullshit. No one will respect her punk ass. Meanwhile, cultivate an expectation that she may pull some hijinks, and that’s on her. You can keep her from being a bridesmaid, but you probably can’t keep her out of the wedding, even if she lacks an invitation (she will crash, is what I’m saying). And you do want your mom there,” said UnsightlyFuzz. 

“Remember that you don’t have control over the way your mum and sister behave or react. You do have control over the way you behave and react. You also have control over your wedding. If i was you, I would give them a choice (or ultimatum). First I would tell them why their actions hurt me, and explain why this has led you to this course of action. Next, I would say that the conditions of attending my wedding are as follows: a sincere apology; getting on board with the planning; behaving themselves. If they are unwilling or unprepared to do any of this, I would say that it’s unfortunate and sad, but they will be removed from the guest list. Tell them they have 2 days to make their choice, and if you haven’t heard back in that time frame, you will assume they’re not coming. Take MOH with you for support. A word of warning. They will try and turn people against you, so don’t resort to name calling, or emotional reactions. Dignity at all times,” suggested pixie0847. 

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.