Guy Asks If It Was Wrong To Respond To A Nude From His GF By Telling Her To Lose Weight

Here’s the deal with the phrase “take care of yourself” when used in conjunction with weight—it’s usually a way of fat-shaming with a dash of faux concern. And when you’re already vulnerable about your weight, it can be a crushing insult, especially when coming from a loved one. That’s one of the recent issues over on Reddit’s infamous Am I the Assh*le? thread causing controversy. 

The OP writes in saying that they have been in a relationship with their girlfriend for four years, with eight months in a long-distance situation.

The girlfriend struggles with her weight, fluctuating and seemingly crash dieting and exercising. After not seeing each other’s naked bodies for a bit due to the long distance, the girlfriend sent her partner a nude picture—and he proceeded to do what no partner should ever do to their significant other. The OP writes:

“My girlfriend sent a nude one day which included her waist. I don’t know what got into me but yeah she looked bigger. Definitely 15lbs more? I haven’t seen her since I left 8months ago. She used to send boobs but never her waist. But she did and yeah, I was shocked. My reaction was not up to the level of what it would be to her other nudes. I think she sensed that but nothing really happened that day.” 

“I decided to tell her that she’s getting bigger and she should really watch her weight. Mind you this reaction is getting from a place of love and care for her. I really want her to be healthy. So I texted her ‘babe I need to tell you something…Don’t take this the wrong way but I think you really need to take a look at yourself. Workout daily. If things go out of hand, it can be very hard to come back to normal.” 

The OP continued, explaining that their girlfriend was incredibly hurt and insulted. 

“She exploded and hit me back with a long message about how she knows she’s overweight and she’s really trying. That I shouldn’t accuse her like she’s not doing anything about it. That I don’t understand the mental challenges of not eating extra food (I used to tell her that losing weight is easy and it’s just counting calories).”

Oh! Losing weight is easy! And just about counting calories! 

“I told her that she totally took it the wrong way and I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted her to be healthy and was worried about her.” 

I don’t know about you, but I love being told how to process information and react accordingly. 

When the girlfriend finally responded, she let the OP have it, saying that they should just be friends until she loses the extra weight since the OP apparently does not find her attractive anymore. 

Folks are pretty overwhelmingly in agreement that the OP is indeed an assh*le for betraying their girlfriend’s trust, body-shaming her, and acting fatphobic in general. 

If your partner is vulnerable about their body, how about trying to support them instead of criticizing them? What do you think?

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.