A woman recently turned to Reddit for advice on a complicated situation between her ex and their former therapist. The Redditor detailed an uncomfortable experience with the therapist and reveals her ex married the therapist a year after the former couple’s last session.
In the post, the woman writes:
“In 2017, “I (F25) saw a couple’s therapist with my then-boyfriend (M36). After 3 sessions with her, I refused to return due to her blatant flirtatious behavior and extremely judgmental attitude toward me, which my ex-boyfriend called me delusional for pointing out. She had told me that I seemed too immature, not ready for therapy or a serious relationship. The whole thing was focused on my ex-boyfriend and his complaints about me; she never asked about my feelings or perspective in the relationship.”
OK, already this sounds like a bad therapist. She goes on to explain the breakup with her ex and how she learned about his new relationship with the therapist.
“We broke up about 2 months after the sessions, but I stayed living with my ex-boyfriend until November. Once after I moved out, I had to return to our old apartment to get mail (this was in December), and that was the first time I saw the therapist with my ex. They happened to be getting ready to go out on his motorcycle and were both wearing full-face motorcycle helmets, but I KNEW from her body type and hair that it was her (along with my instincts, which suspected something was going on the whole time). But nevertheless, I moved on with my life.”
She shared a friend informed her about the marriage after they saw a photo on Facebook.
“I just found out yesterday my ex got married due to a friend telling me about a photo he posted on facebook. The photo was of him and my ex-therapist, celebrating their one-year wedding anniversary. I found her facebook with the name change, and sure enough, they got married September of 2018 (or earlier; that’s just when she posted the wedding photos). This was less than a year after the break up with me ex, and barely over a year after our sessions with her ended.”
She concludes by asking if she is an asshole if she files a complaint with the American Counseling Association.
“I am considering filing a complaint with the American Counseling Association. My friends and mental health counselors I know say I have enough evidence. I am not upset that my ex moved on – so have I. I thank the Universe every day that I am no longer with that Narcissist. However, I feel deeply disturbed to find out he married our therapist, especially remembering all the harmful stuff she said to me in the sessions, which to be honest really messed with my head. I fear coming off as a bitter ex. AITA?”
Let’s see what Reddit has to say. The post’s top comment comes from a therapist, who says she’s not the asshole:
“Hi, I’m a therapist. PLEASE REPORT HER, her behavior is ridiculously unethical and who knows what else has she done or if she even should be allowed to practice. NTA times a million.”
Another commenter pointed out there is a rule that prohibits romantic or sexual relationships for a certain time period.
“I believe that the American Counseling Association says that therapists cannot begin romantic relationships with former clients for at least five years. The American Psychological Association prohibits sexual relationships for at least two years. It’s unlikely that charges can be pressed (assuming they are two consenting adults) but she can get in trouble with her licensing board. Essentially, even when a relationship is “allowed” therapists are still cautioned against this because it can bring harm to former clients (in this situation OP counts) so this would be something the board would be interested in hearing about both because of the short timeline and the harm caused.”
Other people commented on how dangerous that kind of behavior is from a therapist:
“I know two women who wound up dating their therapists (or psychologist in one case), both when they were in extremely vulnerable positions. One wasn’t even 20 when the relationship began.”
“Man, I don’t know how people like that could be allowed to practice again. If they can’t realize the harm that pursuing a romantic relationship in that context would cause (or if they just don’t care), they seem unfit to practice in my opinion.”
“I trust my therapist to always be looking out for my best interests. If I were to ever find out he acted in a way to benefit his own desires at the expense of my well-being, I’d never be able to forgive him.
“So fucked up and obviously ultimately left them both in worse places than when they started counseling.”
“It’s actually treated very similar to a surgeon or doctor malpractice. Therapists are licensed mental healthcare professionals; and they can be reported to the license board for discipline and potentially their license being revoked.”
After reading through the comments, OP responded with an update:
“Wow, thank you everyone for your responses. I realize that as the ex, it is pretty much impossible for it not to seem like I’m jealous/petty/bitter, whatever you want to say. However, it is also impossible to have sat in those sessions and then see your therapist and ex get married and have zero feelings about, regardless of having moved on. Please, give me a break. I’m human. Anyway, I have made my decision. I am not going to participate in this post anymore, but I sincerely thank those of you that made meaningful contributions.”
Our thoughts? Not the asshole and happy OP is moving on from those terrible people.
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