16.
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
Me: that’s not that old, I have sheets older than that.
Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren’t getting as much action as our coffee machine.
I’m going to need an ambulance.
— Calla Wahlquist (@callapilla) July 14, 2019
17.
18.
the crazy thing about being single is that instead of texting every single thought i have in a day to someone, now they just stay in there
— Eva Victor (@evavictor) July 14, 2019
19.
https://twitter.com/cas1ynch/status/1149750581847891968
20.
https://twitter.com/roxiqt/status/1150900135842471937
21.
clock: go to bed
brain: google marmosets i dare you
— Aparna Nancherla 🇵🇸 (@aparnapkin) July 18, 2019
22.
FaceApp is not something I acknowledge pic.twitter.com/X2aEatobBC
— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) July 18, 2019
23.
https://twitter.com/kellyoxford/status/6786823867